You (and I) don't know the answer

And it’s OK

A few weeks ago, I was reading the newsletter of a professional I have been following for a while, sharing about a client having doubts and asking questions about her situation. 

The professional wrote something like this at some point: “I am her guide, but the truth is I don’t know the answers to any of these questions.”

This made me think about what I love about being a coach. You don’t need to know the answers if you’re a coach.

I don’t need to know the answer

When a client comes to a coaching session, they’re looking for clarity on how to change their current situation, achieve a goal, or feel different. In short, they are usually seeking some answer.

It can happen that a client asks me a question directly, and I don’t know the answer.

I don’t need to know the answer; I wouldn’t tell them even if I knew it.

My job is to listen to my client actively, pay attention to their non-verbal communication, be non-judgemental, set aside my biases, and then ask the right questions that help them find their answer.

To sum it up, I need to be open-minded and genuinely curious about the person I have in front of me, and I have to be good at crafting the right questions at the right time.

Not presuming to know the answer makes all of the above easier.

What if you don’t know the answer?

I know how frustrating it can be to wonder for days about something and feel you’ll never find the answer you’re seeking.

I think what makes the thing frustrating is the expectation that we must have all the answers, especially before making any decision or doing something new.

Did you know that Erno Rubik had no idea how to solve his cube when he invented it? He wasn’t even sure it could be solved, yet he tried.

You don’t know the answer, so what? You can look for it.

It could take a while — Rubik needed a month to solve his own invention. The answer you’ll find may differ from the one you expected.

But you’ll find your way to assemble your puzzle pieces.

How to find the answer you’re seeking

Self-exploration is your tool to find it.

Imagine you’re going to explore an unknown territory you are curious about. You don’t know anything about it, so you don’t have any bias toward it.

You’re eager to explore it with binoculars, a notebook, a lot of questions, and an open mind.

That territory is you.

It’s your turn to self-explore and discover

What interesting, maybe unexpected questions could you ask that territory to get to know it?

Ask your questions, then go do something else. 

Activate your Task Positive Network, focusing on some specific activity or task, and let your Default Mode Network work behind the scenes to find your answer.

You’ll return naturally to the Default Mode Network at the end of your focused activity. Your mind will start to wander, and that’s when your answer will probably pop up in your head, just like when you have ideas while showering or driving.

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Check my past article to learn more about these two brain networks. 👇

Making Ravioli Gave Me Insights On The Brain